if i died would you start the facebook group?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
