Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
