Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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