is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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