There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
