its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
