I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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