Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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