I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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