my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
