4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
