Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
