Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
