Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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