trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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