If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
