How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
