Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
