Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
