Ambien. No doubt about it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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