real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
