I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
