I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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