she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
