my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
