Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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