My friends, they love my intelligence
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
