Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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