Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
