there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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