My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
