Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
