She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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