So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
