I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize