please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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