my sisters under your porch take her home
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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