I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
