He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
