yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
