I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
