I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
