no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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