Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
