i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
