I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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