im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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