I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
