real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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