atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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