I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize