Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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