my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
