An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
