A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
