I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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