i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
