Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
