My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
