why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
