In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
