She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
