i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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