what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
