i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
