ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
