At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
we should paint friendship bongs
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