Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
