So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
