and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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