Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
