Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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