Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
