Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
