Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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