Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
